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Our Mixed Marriage FAQs How is your mixed marriage different from others? Mugdha is a Maharashtrian Hindu and I am a Roman Catholic. Hindus have hundreds of Gods, whereas Roman Catholics believe in only one God, which is the first and biggest difference we discovered very early in our relationship. India being a country with so many diverse cultures, even though we both are Indians, we still have many difference in culture and traditions. What made you decide to go ahead even with these differences? When we realized we were falling in love, Mugdha and I spent hours on end examining potential risk areas were we to get married. Areas that came up were religion and beliefs (duh!), bringing up children, traditions, family pressures and influence, and even food! We spoke with couples in mixed marriages, read up a lot, got guidance from a few mentors, and prayed a lot about our future. I wasn't going to convert and never asked Mugdha to think about it either, but we examined our options. I think starting the thought process and open discussions early in the relationship was an immense help, though not easy to do. Weighing all the factors convinced us that it wouldn't be easy, but it would be well worth the effort. Is your marriage at a disadvantage compared to normal marriages? Any marriage brings together two very different people with different backgrounds. A mixed marriage like ours also brings with it the difference in religion and issues that follow. But forewarned is forearmed - Mugdha and I had long, serious discussions about implications and concerns, making it easier for us now. In fact, I don't think many couples have the advantage of having had heart to heart discussions before marriage on topics ranging from expectations and values to children and death. We know that we'll have to put 200% into this marriage to make it work, but with the foundation of friendship, love, mutual respect and commitment, and ongoing adjustments, we definitely will outlast many couples married in 2002! So what about children? If you're asking because you're in a similar mixed marriage situation, there is no fixed answer. We suggest you do what we did - examine the implications (on the children and your marriage) and be very open and honest with each other while discussing the issue, before deciding what's best for your situation. Mugdha and I decided to bring up our children as Roman Catholics. If you had to do this over, would you? The answer - a resounding YES! There are somethings we'd do differently though, but well, you live and learn... What are your suggestions for others in a similar situation? If you are going through a difficult time, focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. Look and ask around and you'll find support and guidance. Make individual lists of potential issues that could arise after marriage and share these and discuss them with each other. Another thing we found helpful was attending the Pre-Cana marriage preparation course which gives any couple getting married plenty of food for thought. Don't ignore your gut feel - if you do have this nagging feeling that it isn't going to work out, it may be best to give up. Links A few days before I left for my wedding in India, my hard disk crashed and along with it, links I had saved, and pages I had bookmarked over the past year. I recently spent some time finding online resources that would be helpful to others and have listed them here. And since webpages often disappear, I've cached the text on these sites for you, unless this page disappears too! What You Should Know About Mixed Marriages Inter-faith Marriages - facts, and a nice page on how couples handle their religious differences http://www.religioustolerance.org/ifm_menu.htm Interfaith Marriage: Faiths, Journeys, Lessons http://gbgm-umc.org/response/articles/Marriage.html About.com's Interfaith Guide http://marriage.about.com/cs/interfaith/ Be informed when entering interfaith marriage http://www.hollandsentinel.com/stories/062502/fea_062502037.shtml Can Love Conquer All? Can Interfaith Marriage Work? How Will We Raise Our Children? http://www.public.iastate.edu/~amellis/homepage.html Interfaith weddings - when two become one http://www.weddingzone.net/px-tr003.htm http://www.bharatmatrimony.com/articles/intermar.shtml If You Or Your Partner Is A Roman Catholic (or Christian) Requirements for a Mixed Marriage - clear and concise http://www.cin.org/users/james/questions/q102.htm Sacrament of Marriage - a detailed explanation http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/09707a.htm Wedding Without Mass http://www.rpinet.com/ml/2404bi1.html A Catholic Priest's Perspective on Interfaith Marriage http://interfaithfamily.com/article/issue89/cuenin.phtml The New Directory: Section on Mixed Marriages http://www.aifw.org/journal/93su11.htm Some resources for mixed marriages (involving a Catholic) http://members.aol.com/Rom4Five/mixedmarriage.html The Sacrament of Marriage - A good collection of links http://www.silk.net/RelEd/marriage.htm Stories Of Couples In Mixed Marriages The Challenge of Being Different: A Christian-Hindu marriage http://www.interchurchfamilies.org/journal/98su14.shtm Mixed Marriages - Stories of Indian Couples http://www.goacom.com/goatoday/98/oct/cstory.html | Page 2 | Page 3 Stories of Cross Cultural Marriages http://www.nriworld.com/nrimatch/c/morecrossculture.asp The Strength of Our Interfaith Marriage http://www.interfaithfamily.com/article/issue65/modesitt.phtml Links to Hindu - American Weddings http://members.tripod.com/~jennifer_polan/india/weddinglinks.html (http://members.iglou.com/frazar/India/980618.html) Mixed Marriages http://www.vivaaha.org/ht_mixed_marriage1.htm | Page 2 | Page 3 The Interfaith Marriage - don't miss the tips toward the end http://www.artofloving.com/relationships/interfaith.htm Other Resources The Special Marriage Act - applicable to Indian mixed marriages http://www.jeevansathi.com/laws7a.htm http://www.weddingsutra.com/planning/legal_advice.asp Marriage Licences - need this if you are in the USA http://www.weddingchannel.com/cgi-bin/gx.cgi/AppLogic+com.wc.Utility.NavBarForStaticHTML?frmSection=none&location=/templates/Planning/MarrLic/GenInfo.html Indo-canadian mixed marriages - interesting reading http://www.tgmag.ca/magic/mt33.html Interfaith Marriage (Presbyterian) http://pcusa80.pcusa.org/pcusa/wmd/eir/marriage.htm We Also Recommend... Roman Catholic Initiation for Adults (RCIA) A course offered by most parishes in the US if one of you is Catholic and the other not. While the course is meant to prepare adults for the sacraments, we asked our pastor if we could attend it only with the intention of Mugdha learning more about the Catholic Religion. Precana Marriage Preparation Course Offered by all dioceses, find out well in advance when they have these two-day courses scheduled. We would highly recommend any couple planning marriage going through this course. Married couples talk about different aspects of married life, followed by the couple discussing issues and topics in a structured manner. Very helpful in understanding each others' point of view on certain topics like finance and openly discussing it. Our Liturgy We've put our liturgy online in case it could be a starting point for other couples like us. Remember to replace our names with yours if you're using it :-) Home | Our Story | Wedding Ceremonies | Receptions | Photo Album | Ever After | Links | Guestb00k